I made it! My trip to Charlottesville for the Festival of the Book was a blessing in many ways. It was a wonderful experience that I won’t re-hash here. There is a blow-by-blow summary of the weekend events at my own blogspot, cconfusion.blogspot.com. if you are interested.
You know, I am a person who harbors many fears. Always have. Whenever I think of myself, an old Charlie Brown show where he visits Lucy and she’s manning her booth, wearing her psychologist hat comes to mind. Lucy begins to recite different phobias that might describe Charlie’s issues to him. Finally, after naming one after the other, she states, “agoraphobia, the fear of everything!” “That’s it!,” he yells, triumphant that his ailment has a name and everyone laughs. I laugh too each time I see it, but truth is, that’s been me most of my life.
Don’t know where these fears came from, but long as I remember they’ve been there. Maybe that’s one reason I have such a love for Paul’s New Testament writing. He suffers from some personal affliction as well yet pushes through it, pressing on. For many years, I leaned on drugs (smoking weed, drinking, etc.), relationships, smoking cigarettes, to waylay my fears, but then I realized that wasn’t really working. I was still scared. And, so one by one I let the crutches go. Not even knowing that I’d been leaning on them so heavily until they were gone.
Once “Plenty Good Room” was bought for publication I thought life might get easier. All the crutches were gone, right? And, with so much life-difficulty behind me, I was sure there would be less fear and stress and more easy riding, you know? NOT! In fact, for the last two years my stress levels reached new heights as suddenly I was faced with uncertainties and complexities never before expected or experienced. And, what’s more often I’ve been facing these new challenges with only God to keep me company.
And, so fittingly, last week after being invited to this wonderful event, I faced another huge fear. Flying. I only cried twice the week before--or at least twice I can remember now (I cry a lot, ya’ll; so I might forget a time or two). On the day of, once in motion, it seemed less scary though. Sitting in the small airport in my hometown, I looked out and saw a small plane with luggage around it and thought, that must be what they carry baggage on. Well, ya’ll know I was wrong again. Moments later we boarded that LITTLE plane. And, I mean it was tiny. Talking about bringing my fears down to size! Here I was expecting to be on a big whole plane, instead, innately, I knew I was boarding the plane all who I told I was flying complained about. The turboprop. So, as usual, God wasn't even playing--He was breaking me in for real!
Once we began to ascend into the air I had my earplugs in (playing Bishop Eddie Long’s Spirit and Truth – my favorite). Actually I wasn’t supposed to be listening then, but didn’t know till later. All was okay, until we hit some turbulence and suddenly I began to fill a little panicky. My stomach was queasy and I felt the walls closing in even tighter, and I was beginning to tell myself, not way was I going to be able to take the other 3 flights necessary to complete the trip. But, just as suddenly feeling took over. Gazing into the clouds from my window, a calm ensued as the moment took over. Here I was floating in the clouds! And, though I don’t know where heaven is or what it looks like, for that moment it seemed close and so did God. And, so I exhaled. Let go. And, let God. And, from that moment on, it was all good.
Got there safely, maneuvering successfully through airports and crowds and then turned around and made it back. And, you can bet when I touched ground in Champaign-Urbana, I felt lighter than air. This small town girl had done it! My nature of fearfulness is still intact, it’s my burden. But, trusting in God I’d looked fear squarely in the eye, and in doing so gained confidence in my faith and myself.
So what is the moral of this story? Well, the songwriter says, “You don’t have leave here the same”, and that’s the crux of the tale. With God at the helm, I am a witness that we can do those things we never thought we could. And, floating high about the earth, I realized with certainty there is some peace in knowing, that ‘if tomorrow never comes’, I will have lived for God today. Now, as I make preparations to go to Baltimore next month, I still have a knot in the pit of my stomach, but this too will pass. When God prods us to move outward into the world, faith is sufficient, when we just ‘let go and let God’….
Cheri Paris Edwards is the first-time author of “Plenty Good Room”, published in hardcover by Walk Worthy/Warner Books in Spring, 2005. She is 50-year old and the mother of two boys. She lives in East-Central Illinois. Her website is www.cheriparisedwards.com
This week I'm sending out an 'all points bulletin' for HELP! We are putting together a proposal for a Summer Reading Challenge at our church and need a list of reads for young people ages 5-15 or so. I know, I know, it's already 3 weeks into summer, but that's mostly my fault. Sister Williams was giving me the look last week and I finally managed to get percolating on this project. My plate seems always too full these days, but that's another story. 
